


Android Blaine

by TheNameIsBritney



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, kind of, pls suspend ur disbelief for this fic friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNameIsBritney/pseuds/TheNameIsBritney
Summary: Android Blaine, I wish I were you. Instructions tell you what to do and if you fail, you can't feel blue.Blaine is the shy technician at a computer store. Every morning, he tries and fails to talk to the cute barista who serves him his coffee. So one day, he comes up with a brilliant plan - make an android who will do all the hard work for him.inspired by the song Android Ashley by Brandon Michael Lowden!
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	Android Blaine

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written anything sci-fi-y or anything remotely like this so I hope it turned out alright! also i dont wanna make excuses but i know nothing about technology or fixing computers or engineering - i am an english lang major/creative writing minor jfdkslfjsl sorry if i get things wrong!!!!
> 
> Heavily inspired by the song Android Ashley by Brandon Michael Lowden! Go give it a listen on Youtube if you're so inclined, I think it's really cute!
> 
> Happy reading xx

_I think you're cute, my name is Blaine and I work at the computer store._

That's what Blaine _wants_ to say to Kurt, the cute barista at the coffee shop he frequents every morning. But, he never does. The words get jumbled up in his mouth as soon as he catches a glimpse of Kurt's bright blue (...or green, perhaps?) eyes. 

This morning is going to be different, though, Blaine thinks as he tightens his grip on his satchel. Just like every day, he joins the back of the line and patiently waits, his heart bounding in his chest the closer he gets to the front of the line. 

"Morning, medium drip!" Kurt says. He's already got a paper cup in hand, gripping it with long, nimble fingers. Blaine's mouth goes dry. "How are you?"

"Uh..." he chokes, "I-I'm okay. I'm good." Blaine looks outside and gently tugs on the bottom of his scarf. "I-It's cold today, isn't it?" 

"Practically frigid," Kurt responds exasperatedly, a silly smile on his face. "I could barely get myself out of bed." The image of a sleepy, pyjama-clad Kurt, snuggling deeper under the covers is too adorable for Blaine to process. He twirls the sharpie in his other hand then, biting his lip. "Um... could I get a name for your drink?"

Oh.

Blaine's been a regular at _Spoons_ for seven months and in all the times Kurt's served him, he's never asked for his name before. He's only ever called him Medium Drip. He eyes Kurt tentatively, taking in the gentle twinkle in his eye and his soft smile. He's _beautiful_.

"Blaine," he says quickly, eyes wide, "i-it's Blaine."

Kurt looks down at the cup as he writes, a small smile on his face. "Blaine," he repeats quietly, placing the cup on the counter. "I'll get that started for you."

Before Blaine can respond, Kurt is gone, walking over to the bar to make Blaine's drink. He walks over to the end of the counter and tries not to watch Kurt too closely as he makes his coffee, but Blaine can't help but stare. There's a small, contented smile on Kurt's face as he secures the lid over the cup and carefully carries it to the bar. 

"Medium drip for Blaine?" Kurt says, sliding the cup over to him. 

Blaine just nods and takes the cup, heat seeping through the cardboard cup sleeve and warming his hands pleasantly. He watches helplessly as Kurt gives him a smile and walks away so he can serve another customer, leaving Blaine alone at the counter.

As he walks out of the coffee shop, he looks at the cup, eyes studying the curves and lines of Kurt's handwriting. He even drew a small smiley face next to Blaine's name which makes his heart unreasonably skip a beat. He sighs as he looks through the glass doors and catches a glimpse of Kurt serving another customer, the words he'd so carefully prepared still wound up tight in his brain.

So much for today being different.

* * *

Sam is already at _Techies_ when Blaine arrives, hunched over the motherboard of an old Macbook. Blaine can see frustrated lines beginning to appear on his forehead and he chuckles quietly, slipping behind the counter and placing his coffee cup on his desk, twisting it so that the name and smiley face are facing him. "Morning." 

Sam grunts in response, putting down his screwdriver and letting out a sigh. "Hey."

"What's that?" Blaine asks as he opens his agenda. He has two tablets and a laptop he needs to work on _and_ a consultation with a client who'd called him in a panic yesterday morning that he isn't particularly looking forward to.

"Some girl spilled coke all over her computer," Sam says with a grimace, "her CPU is fried and there's coke residue _everywhere._ " He turns away from the computer and spins in his desk chair until he's facing Blaine. His eyes immediately find the coffee cup on Blaine's desk. "Did you do it?"

Blaine glances at the cup and shifts uncomfortably as he unravels his scarf. " _No,"_ he mutters petulantly, glaring at Sam as he whoops in celebration.

" _Yes_ , I knew it!" he cries, grabbing his phone with a joyful grin. "Mike owes me ten bucks. He had a _lot_ of faith in you." 

Blaine groans loudly and leans back in his chair, rubbing his steadily warming face with his hands. "Leave me alone," he whines, "I don't know why I'm friends with you guys."

"Because you love us," Sam says, walking over to Blaine's desk and shaking him by the shoulders gently. " _And_ because you secretly wanna do me."

Blaine shoves him off, though he can feel a ghost of a smile growing on his lips. "Shut up, I do _not_... anymore." He sighs and looks out the front windows of the store where he has an almost perfect view of the counter at _Spoons_. "It's just... he's so... hard to talk to. And what do I do with my hands when I talk to him? Where do I look?"

"Generally people like it if you look in their eyes when you talk to them--"

"--and I just..." Blaine trails off, losing steam. He takes the lid off his cup and stares into it, inhaling the scent of rapidly cooling coffee. "I'm not good at this stuff, man. You remember what happened with Jeremiah."

Sam winces. They both fall silent as Blaine gets up from his chair, leaving his coffee practically untouched as he grabs a tablet off his side of the _to-be-fixed_ shelf. He turns it carefully in his hands, examining the damage and going through the steps to fix the cracked screen in his head. It's an easy enough job, and that's exactly what Blaine needs to make him stop _thinking_ so damn hard. 

"If only relationships were as simple as fixing cracked screens," he says dejectedly, slipping on his safety goggles and reaching into a drawer for his spudger and gently prying up the iPad's screen. "I should just write a program that'll talk to Kurt for me," he says to Sam, huffing out a short, humourless laugh.

Sam gasps excitedly. "Like a robot-Blaine!" he says, eyes sparkling, "you could call him Ro-Blaine and teach him how to talk to guys for you and stuff!"

Blaine scoffs at the suggestion, leaning down further as he lifts the broken display and sets it aside. He glances up, looking through the front windows and across the street at _Spoons_ where it looks like Kurt is mopping up a spill. Blaine sighs. Only he could make cleaning look so graceful. He looks back down at the tablet, tapping the side of the metal base gently. It's a ridiculous idea, of course it is. He knows that. It would be entirely too complicated, not to mention the strange inherent narcissism of creating a robot that looks and speaks and _is_ an exact replica of yourself. But the longer the idea circles Blaine's mind, the more he begins to think... what if it _isn't ridiculous?_

It would make talking to Kurt so much easier. Androids don't stammer over their words or get distracted by the eye colours of cute boys. They're entirely victim to instruction and command. He could make Android Blaine do or _say_ everything that he couldn't.

Blaine stares down at the display module of the iPad in front of him, his brain whirring to life as he instinctively went about replacing the touchscreen. 

One thing's for certain, though. He definitely isn't calling the android _Ro-Blaine._

* * *

Surprisingly enough, the process isn't actually as complicated as Blaine thinks it's going to be. 

He finds most of the parts he needs relatively easily off Amazon, Craigslist, and from (shamefully) dismantling Sam's X-Box without telling him. He figures Sam won't even notice, given how busy they both are with work _and_ school, and even if he _does_ notice, it wouldn't take too much out of Blaine's wallet to replace it for him. 

Creating an android in his own likeness is... one of the strangest things Blaine has ever done, he must admit. He sits in front of a mirror for what feels like hours, just mapping out what his nose looks like and trying to work out how exactly to mould it out of the weird silicone plastic stuff he got from some strange lady off of Craigslist (she'd smelled like cat food and lysol and had left Blaine feeling _very_ uneasy), but eventually, he has something that's workable. Something that even... kind of looks like him. 

He definitely doesn't mean for Sam to find out about Android Blaine, but he does, eventually. But Blaine supposes that's his own fault for building his android in the back room of the computer store that they _both_ work at. To Blaine's credit though, he'd artfully hidden Android Blaine behind a stack of untouched cardboard boxes. He'd thought he was being _so sneaky._

It happens spontaneously one night. Blaine had pretended to leave for the night and had camped out until he was sure Sam had left. Then, he'd let himself in and retreated to the back room where he was keeping A.B. (abbreviating his name makes Blaine feel less weird about this entire process, somehow). He's sitting on a stool in the backroom, hunched over the battery port in the small of A.B.'s back when the door to the back room suddenly bursts open and Sam walks in, eyes glued to his phone. He doesn't notice Blaine sitting there at first.

Blaine barely has time to look up and register Sam's sudden arrival, much less think to _hide_ A.B. from his best friend who had clocked off almost two hours ago. "Sam?!" he exclaims, shooting up from the stool and hurrying to stand in front of A.B. A valiant and completely _pointless_ attempt at hiding him, in retrospect. 

Then, Sam looks up. He drops his phone. Blaine sees him blink slowly, and _that's_ when he knows he's been caught.

"Bee," is all Sam says before he's slowly walking over, eyes focused on a point his past Blaine's head. "What... is _that?_ " 

Blaine can feel himself growing defensive. " _He_ is none of your business," he says, eyeing Sam carefully as he circles the machine like lion circling its prey. It's a little (read: _very)_ unsettling. "Just a project I'm working on." Sam pokes A.B.'s cheek.

"A project that looks exactly like you, except with a rock hard interior and..." Sam clenches his hand into a fist and knocks on A.B.'s hair curiously, a satisfied grin growing on his face. "Yep, that's rock hard too." Blaine bats his hand away, crossing his arms. 

"Sam, what are you doing here?" he asks, "you clocked off ages ago."

"I got home and I realised I'd left my phone charger here," Sam says, eyes still alight with wonder as he articulates A.B.'s stiff, metallic arm up and down. Then, he pauses and turns to face Blaine, one eyebrow quirked. "Is this for what I _think_ it's for?" Blaine doesn't respond. He figures the blush that sits high on his cheeks is answer enough. Sam lets go of Android Blaine's arm and takes a step towards ( _real)_ Blaine. "You really made a _robot_ version of yourself to ask out that cute guy from _Spoons_ for you?"

"He isn't a robot, he's an _android_ ," Blaine says, feeling an awful defensiveness rise up his throat like bile, "and it's just to help me... introduce myself."

Sam huffs out a quiet laugh, eyeing A.B. strangely. "Okay," he murmurs, "Dr. Frankenstein." 

"You don't get it, Sam," Blaine interjects, grabbing his screwdriver off the coffee table and kneeling down to resume his tinkering. "You've always had it so easy with girls. I don't have that same luxury." He sighs quietly, glaring into the series of wires and screws connecting all of Android Blaine's parts together. "Android Blaine doesn't function the way real Bla- the way _I_ do. He doesn't get nervous or forget what he was going to say." He sighs and puts down the screwdriver. "If I can show Kurt who I could be, then... he might actually like me."

Blaine hears Sam sigh, and then there's a warm pressure of a hand against his shoulder, squeezing gently. "But those things are kind of what make you _you_ , aren't they?" Sam asks, "How's Kurt gonna get to knows the real you if he says yes to a perfect... metallic version?"

Blaine doesn't say anything. He just stares straight ahead, his eyebrows knitted together in contemplation as Sam gets up and shuffles towards the row of lockers to retrieve his phone charger. He isn't doing anything wrong, he doesn't _think_. He's just going to use Android Blaine to help him... get his foot in the door, so to speak. And it's going to be Blaine behind the scenes, actually talking to Kurt through and through, so it isn't as though he's showing a side of himself to Kurt that isn't _real_. Just a side that's been... enhanced.

After Sam leaves, he continues working on Android Blaine, stalwartly ignoring Sam's words from earlier. This is going to work. He knows it.

* * *

The final chip arrives as Blaine resists the urge to fist-pump the air as he unwraps it, carefully slotting it into its vacant port and watching as Android Blaine begins to whir to life. 

He's ready. 

He hooks Android Blaine's cameras up to his laptop's live feed and plugs in his earphones, carefully instructing him to take a few steps around _Techies_. Blaine watches joyfully as A.B. does so, his arms and legs moving in tandem in a mimicry of his own walk. It's definitely strange to witness; almost like an out-of-body experience. It reminds Blaine of a conversation he had with Sam about whether or not he'd have sex with his clone, his answer being a resounding _no_ and Sam's a solid maybe. 

Blaine fumbles and fiddles with Android Blaine's controls for the rest of the night. It's past midnight when Blaine finally leaves _Techies_ and heads home, practically vibrating with excitement. He has his plan all figured out. Tomorrow, he'll go to _Techies_ early and turn A.B. on (the double entendre makes Blaine giggle) and watch from the safety of his desk as he makes A.B. cross the street head into _Spoons_ for him. It's a near flawless plan in Blaine's eyes. 

Until tomorrow morning comes and it starts to rain. _Hard_. 

He forgoes his plan. Blaine had managed to make an android in his exact likeness, but in all of his careful planning and preparation, he hadn't even _thought_ to make him waterproof. He goes to work at his regular time, umbrella in hand and a heavy heart in his chest. For now, he'll have to face Kurt on his own, in person. For some reason, despite having seen him every day for months, the idea of seeing Kurt in person this particular morning makes Blaine more nervous than he's ever been. 

He walks into _Spoons_ and shakes out his umbrella gently, watching as the water droplets fall and hit the carpet. He can _feel_ Kurt's presence just a few feet away, but he can't bring himself to look up. Not yet. 

Blaine keeps his head down as he walks to the back of the line, focusing on closing and tightening the velcro strap on his umbrella. Before he knows it, he's reached the front of the line, and there Kurt is, looking gorgeous as ever, beaming at Blaine like the sun shines through his teeth. 

"Morning, Blaine," Kurt says softly, his lips and tongue curling around Blaine's name the same way it has been since he'd asked for it. Blaine doesn't think he'll ever get tired of hearing it. "Medium drip?" 

Blaine can barely hear him. His heart is pounding in his ears so loudly that he can't really focus, so he just nods, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. He thinks about Android Blaine. Thinks about how much _better_ this interaction could've gone if only the godforsaken weather hadn't--

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks suddenly, effectively cutting off Blaine's train of thought. "You look..." he trails off, eyes scanning Blaine's furrowed brows and the small frown lines at the corners of his mouth. 

Blaine raises his eyebrows. "I look...?" he manages to choke out. He _thinks_ he can see a hint of light pink score Kurt's cheeks as soon as he asks. He refuses to take a breath as he waits for Kurt's reply, for fear of missing a single word.

"I... nothing. Maybe it's none of my business," Kurt says, looking down at the paper cup he's holding and scribbling Blaine's order onto it. "Rain getting you down?"

Blaine's shoulders slump. _If only you knew how wrong you were._ "Yeah, something like that," he says instead, handing Kurt a ten dollar bill. "Keep the change." 

Before Kurt can reply, Blaine turns and walks to the end of the bar, resisting the urge to smack himself on the forehead. He ought to call his mother and ask if she'd ever dropped him on his head as a child, because he feels completely and utterly _inept_ when it comes to Kurt. He waits patiently for his coffee, carefully watching the other patrons coming in and out of the coffee shop and _not_ looking at Kurt as he makes his drink. 

Then, he hears the sound of a paper cup being gently placed on the counter and Blaine turns, smiling politely to thank Kurt. But before Blaine has the chance, Kurt is rushing off to the other end of the bar, a cloth in his hand as he aggressively wipes down an already spotless counter. That wasn't part of the routine. 

He gathers himself and grabs his mug, giving Kurt one last glance and trying not to be too visibly disappointed when he doesn't return it. He walks to the door, opens his umbrella, and steps outside into the rain, slowly walking across the street to _Techies_. 

_Hopefully_ , Blaine thinks, _tomorrow will work out._

* * *

Thankfully, the weather the next day is much more forgiving. Blaine wakes up at 6:45am on the dot and gets out of bed with an extra pep in his step. He gets ready and packs his bag quickly, rushing out the door a full half hour early. 

_Techies_ is quiet when Blaine arrives, just as he expected. He enters the back room and smiles at Android Blaine, who looks back at him; Blaine likes to think that he can see the enthusiasm he feels reflected on A.B.'s face too. "Morning, Buddy," he says, heart pounding excitedly, "today's the day!" 

He flips the switch he'd so carefully placed under Android Blaine's collar and watches as he turns on with a series of clicks and hums. He turns on his laptop and opens the feed that he'd connected to A.B.'s cameras, making sure the audio input works and that the text-to-speak function is running smoothly. The last thing he wants is for his plan to be foiled because of _lag._

He finishes setting up by a few minutes before 8, which is when he's usually lining up to get his coffee, so he sends Android Blaine on his way and watches diligently from behind his computer screen, typing in the occasional command and monitoring A.B.'s battery life, movements, and temperature. 

Android Blaine walks into _Spoons_ and joins the back of the line, his eyes giving Blaine a perfect view of the back of another customer's head. Soon enough, the customer moves and Blaine is greeted with a view of Kurt, smiling at him brightly. 

He hears Kurt speak through the speakers he'd installed. The sound of his voice is tinny, but still _perfect._ "Morning, Blaine!" he says. Kurt blinks a few times. Blaine can see a slight furrow growing between his eyebrows. "How are you?"

His fingers move quickly over the keyboard as he types out a message for A.B. to say. "I'm fine." The sound that comes out of A.B.'s mouth is his own, but it sounds strange to Blaine. He just hopes that Kurt won't notice a difference as he types out another response. "Glad the sun's out."

Kurt hums, nibbling on his lip as he slowly grabs a paper cup from the stack beside him. "Yeah," he says slowly, tapping the base of the cup against the counter briefly. The hollow sound of cardboard hitting marble is almost too loud in Blaine's ears. "Your usual?"

Instead of attempting to speak again, he forces Android Blaine to nod instead, breathing out a quiet sigh of relief when the action is smooth rather than shaky, like it had been the first time he'd tested it. He watches for a moment as Kurt writes his order down, wondering if he's being slower than usual or if it's all in his imagination. With shaky fingers, his fingers move across the keys, almost on their own accord. "Did you do something new with your hair?"

Kurt looks confused for a moment, glancing up at Blaine from where his cup. "Um... no, this is how I always do it," he says with a quiet laugh. 

Blaine bites his lip. "It looks really great," he hears Android Blaine say before he's realises he's typed it. Kurt flushes and looks down bashfully, a smile teasing the corners of his lips, but he still looks... _off_.

He's in the middle of typing another message for his Android to say when Kurt beats him to it, putting the empty cup down and looking at Android Blaine. For a second, it feels as though Kurt can _see_ Blaine through A.B.'s eye-lenses. 

"You seem different," is all Kurt says. Those three words enter Android Blaine's microphone and soar through the wires in Blaine's earphones, digging themselves into his brain, reminding him of Sam's words from just a few days ago.

_How's Kurt gonna get to knows the real you if he says yes to a perfect... metallic version?_

What he's doing feels deceptive now, somehow, in a way that Blaine hadn't registered before. Because Blaine isn't _perfect_. He isn't made of silicone and aluminium. He can't turn his brain off at night and plug himself into a charging port. He can't just reboot and forget all the embarrassing, awful, _traumatic_ things that have happened to him, because if he could, then... well then, he wouldn't exactly be Blaine, would he? 

The Blaine that Kurt smiles at every morning is made of bones and blood and much too many emotions than he thinks should be able to fit in his below-average-height body. He stammers and he gets nervous because he's human. 

How is Kurt supposed to love his imperfections if all he sees is the perfect version of himself he's created?

So, Blaine quickly aborts the program and calls Android Blaine back to _Techies_ with a quick 'sorry' to Kurt, barely watching the screen as he starts preparing himself for the shut down protocol. 

Android Blaine walks through the glass doors of _Techies_ and Blaine gives him one last, sad look. He looks into his glass eyes, _really_ looks and for a split second, it looks as though Android Blaine is feeling just as much as Blaine is. 

Before he can have time to regret what he's doing, he shuts Android Blaine down, deleting the program from his computer and watching as he turns off for the very last time. Almost serendipitously, Sam enters the store just as Blaine's shutting his computer and preparing to wheel Android Blaine into the backroom to begin disassembling him.

Sam doesn't say anything. It only takes one look for him to realise what's going on. He walks over to Blaine's desk and wraps an arm around his shoulder. "You alright?"

Blaine sighs softly, leaning against Sam's chest and nodding, staring at Android Blaine. He can't exactly pinpoint one emotion he's feeling. Sad, excited, relieved, _incredibly_ nervous. "I think so," he says quietly, nudging Sam with his shoulder. "I guess this means I can reassemble your X-Box and give it back to you."

"Yeah!" Sam says with a grin. Then, Blaine's words _really_ hit him. "Wait, what?"

Blaine laughs probably more than he should.

* * *

It doesn't happen immediately. In fact, it takes a whole week for Blaine to build up the courage. But he does. 

He walks into _Spoons_ at 8am on the dot, raising his eyebrows when he sees that, for once, there's no line. No barrier between him and Kurt, except for the counter. It feels like a sign.

Blaine walks up to the counter and Kurt looks up, giving him the same smile that he's given him for the past few months. His eyes are twinkling and look _extra_ blue today, somehow. Blaine wonders if he can hear his heartbeat. "Hi, Kurt." He pats himself on the back when his voice doesn't come out breathless.

Kurt raises his eyebrows. Usually _he_ initiates the conversation. "Morning, Blaine," he says, "I really should start your coffee before you get here. Then, you wouldn't have to wait."

"Oh, I don't mind waiting," Blaine says. He knows his hands are shaking but he does his best to ignore it. "Listen, I um... I've been meaning to ask you something for a while now."

The smile that grows on Kurt's face is teasing, almost like he _knows_. "If you're going to ask when the coffee beans were roasted, you're going to have to ask my manager." 

Blaine laughs, unable to fight the grin that is steadily beginning to infiltrate his features. "No, I wasn't going to ask about the beans," he replies quietly, looking behind him to check that there are no customers waiting to order. There aren't any. He turns back around and leans in, lowering his voice just a tad. "I was actually going to ask you if, um... if maybe you'd like to go out with me sometime?"

Kurt grins, and Blaine just _knows_ he's never going to get sick of that face.

"Blaine," Kurt sighs, "I thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> When i wrote that last sentence i literally took a deep breath fjkfdslj this fic has felt like this really big hard project looming over my head for the past couple of weeks for some reason
> 
> I hope whoever's reading this likes it!!! this was very different from what i usually write in terms of ~themes~ and shit fjsfjdskl i hope it turned out well!! comments and kudos are always appreciated! (also lemme know if y'all want me to write a follow-up from kurt's perspective cause......that's an idea i had)
> 
> if y'all would like to follow me, i'm @byebyeblainey on tumblr and twitter <3 hope everyone's staying safe and healthy!
> 
> \- Brit xx


End file.
